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Tears in the am – Motown at dusk
This morning I couln’t stop crying… I think it was the hangover of the crying jag I had last night… I cried through the beginning of my workout and then in the middle I began to have focus… “Make a list, cross it off when you’re done, enjoy what you do if you choose to…
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White Socks
Cotton, white, smooth, stretched too far from months of washing your feet, moisturizing them, massaging them and then slipping clean white socks onto your feet as quick as possible as they felt so cold. You felt more vulnerable without your socks than you did when I washed your body. I knew when I put those…
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unworkable
Honey, I took apart your basement studio. It sat motionless for almost 2 years – collages mid paste, paintings almost completed and some with just your base blast of universal color and deep spacial discrepancies… Sand, bits of glitter, glass, hardened paint chips, glue forms, nuts, bolts, broken jewelry, sticks, unused brushes and a list…
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Sea & Pill
I got up early and went to Sandyhook. It was lovely – I started walking at 7:40 and got back to the car at 9:15 am – I found a piece of green glass, stripped naked and swam in the cool water, noticed the remains of jelly fish a sure sign of August at the…
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Meds..
I swear drs fool around with the human body as if there are shaking sticks and rolling stone with meds… three days into this medication and I’m dizzy, numb and I can’t concentrate… I main gain weight, I might loose any sexual drive. Not that I HAVE any to loose. But this Waking up on…
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When Are You Coming to See Me?
Liz called. She didn’t remember I had been there for 10 days. She has no idea of the wreck that was left of me for the past week and a half because of it. She was clearly shaken over the phone… “This has never happened to me…” She was overwhelmed. And I went into care…
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A Thin Veil
That’s what your phone said. “Remember there’s a thin veil”…from a former client of yours on your phone. I hadn’t looked at your phone in weeks. Not plugged in – it was dead. I plugged it in and there was a text… to your phone for me from Maureen… Wishing me Condolences. I answered back……
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Monday – to rise-to bed?
I awoke at 5am… hungover emotionally and physically. Angry. Foggy grief as I look at your photo… wanting to use this anger to fuel my day.. and barell through it – but once I stop… then I collapse… Gay pride – ugh… meeting people I haven’t seen since your death… wanting hugs – wanting to…
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Popping Pills & Shots
Numbness has become my regular neutral… 5 O’clock shot to end the day while I weep in the A.M. and throughout the day… Everyday is a wrestling match… how do I make it through. Every move is 10 calls and waiting… income slows to a crawl and I’m surrounded by things to do…. everyday things……
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The Baby Love is Overheated
I”m not sure why, but for the last 3 weeks the heat has decided to have a mind of it’s own. The second floor now resembles my old apt on 19th street where we had to keep the window open… the heat never stops… I closed the windows and my poor little love over heated.…