Thinking over the 2024 timeline the phrase “pushing up daisies” came to mind. An active… growth from the debris of death, the past manure and bailing out of “stuff”.
The past few days I’ve been culling my mementos from the attic tubs, photos sent to me by my sister to connect me to my family, birthday-Christmas-graduations cards and letters, letters I can’t imagine anyone writing today. Pages and pages of words some mundane, some heartfelt but always a heft of desire to connect – to me. What struck me was the intense love – especially the high school years. The “I’m far away, I wish you were here – please stay in my life” of them, Ed, who moved to Boston, Vickie on her way to collage in New Orleans, Mark – depressed in college, Dad trying to connect, John proving his love…
I no longer need them – the proof – they’re a lovely reminder but If I don’t hear the echos of the past now – I never will.
I could do a new years burn… But I’m not sure that’s needed – I must rest and think.
63 me looking at 15, 21, 33, 40 me. I want to connect with them – a strong desire to say I’m fine and I miss you. To bridge time – bringing the past moments of life with me…as they are…
P.S. Many times, looking at photos I saw people trying to have a good time. Manufacture joy with what was there – rain, boredom, angst, but with a burst of inspiration. Fun. The “I exist” joy.