Going to sleep and waking up – crying on both ends. Something has broken or been cut inside. The weight of the world and all its ugliness is riding on my back. Hence the back ache.
Death, destruction, anxiety, sooth sayers of doom, illness…emphasis the fragility of a powerful life. So much energy – of determination built into our cells, that fail at some point.
I am determined. To face the coming storm. As I face it can I embrace the joys of life as well and not look at them as a distraction – but a source of life. Wind in the sails.
We need to set sail. Who/what do you want to be your journeymen? Unity of cause mixed with the humanity of the individuals.
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At 5am this morning I woke with a start. It sounded like someone had been run over.
It began with what sounded like a scream.
That turned into a screech of tires
That turned into the revving of an engine.
More high pitched screaming screeches
Then the roar of an engine and the spreading around a corner.
Then a sudden stop. Another reving of the engine. Then a door slam.
”I’m TIIIIRRRRED”…I’m tirrrrred.. over and over again in loud arching shouts to the sky. “They took my money and I’m Tired, I didn’t do nothing, Help me god , help me, I’m Tired, Help me god, I’ll get down on me knees in the street and slam the ground. I’m Tired. God Help me….”
All in one loud statement – a warning to the gods that he would do something rash cause life had just pushed him over the edge.
His raging atonement went on…
Then the slam of a door,
The screech of a U Turn and he was gone.
The tall young distraught man in the silver coupe was gone. Driving west to some unknown destination.
As I laid back in bed. In my mind I laid him down next to me and held him. Breathed into his back. “This will pass…you are good…rest” His rigid body slowly relaxed in my arms.
My tears began again. The world is weeping. When will laughter reign?