Flower Garden Factory

Category: Grief

  • Fist

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in

    With tenderness gently caressing my right hand to open up. Balling into a fist at jolting traumatic memories triggered by adjusting the bedside table closer to the bed. I breathe into it – the rush of a thousand hours of ache, worry, fear, death – the loss of you, us, me in the single movement.…

  • Ache

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in , ,

    My body is the Leaning Town of Pisa, The sinking city of Venice, The remains of Notre Dame after the fire. It aches, creaks and is off balance. My body no longer feels like home base but a turbulent flight I must endure. Eyes closed I breathe deep, seeing where the jolt of unease and…

  • Enact

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in , ,

    The way my body and mind are tracking these days, I’m bound to make mistakes, rush, through clouds of fog – do my best at the moment. But what if now – just for now – I complete a task and wait. Wait. Review. Then send. What if instead of thinking FOR someone, you brake…

  • Yes, I want more.

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in ,

    I go to Whole Foods for 8am opening. The drive down ocean drive was lovely and slow. I drop off something sweet for a friend just starting work (my social time for the day). And home… As I tread the steps to my front door, my balance falters and my head swims – and so…

  • Fuzz

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in , ,

    I’m so aware of my body when I wake. It crowds out thoughts. The heavy head with a fuzzy buzz, nauseous stomach and tingling legs, face, mouth, feet, nipples, balls, How to fix my nervous system? 7 months now. Yesterday – I listed your paintings in the left cupboard. Paints were wiped down and put…

  • Funny thing…

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in

    So I thought cutting back on my drinking would help me feel more in control, more serene and here I am crying and missing you just as if I had two bourbons and a bottle of wine…like I have for the past year an a half. If I’m going to travel this journey, I’m going…

  • Saturday Night is Alright…

    Saturday Night is Alright…

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in ,

    I’m dressed in your clothes, wearing your jewelry, our wedding rings but still time is standing still… How many movies can I watch – how many glasses of wine as I sit alone… eating my meal alone… taking the time to feed myself with a real meal…all I have is two cats and a dog..…

  • Socks

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in

    You always told me never to wear socks as I walked down our steps…I fell honey, I had just closed the door to the basement to go downstairs an I missed a step and crumbled to the floor. Yelling help, scared… and overwhelmed by the fact that no one could help me… Just like when…

  • boxed

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in

    I gave away your jean jacket, your favorite sweater sportcoat, cashmere sweater… Your bomber jacket from the 80’s – to Garris. Boxed up…sent… Your Top hat, boa and linen vest to lola…along with a painted rock. boxed and sent – to someone who never met you and only relation is her sexuality and me –…

  • Tears in the am – Motown at dusk

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    by

    b2c-fgf
    in

    This morning I couln’t stop crying… I think it was the hangover of the crying jag I had last night… I cried through the beginning of my workout and then in the middle I began to have focus… “Make a list, cross it off when you’re done, enjoy what you do if you choose to…