So I thought cutting back on my drinking would help me feel more in control, more serene and here I am crying and missing you just as if I had two bourbons and a bottle of wine…like I have for the past year an a half.

If I’m going to travel this journey, I’m going to do it so I can live and not slowly kill myself… it wont bring you back…

I miss your energy, my love. Your voice – I see things crumble around me and I am choosing to live…and not slowly commit suicide… I’ve come this far, If I’m taking anti depressants, working out, making a will, doing therapy…I have to toast to life… not to death.

So it’s day two…

Tears rim my eye ducts and still you will not walk through the door, pull back the covers and lay beside me, asking me to play the crossword with you…

I carry you.