Author: b2c-fgf
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Trigger finger
Once the trigger has been pulled there’s no going back. No way to stop the waves of emotions, memories and false narratives from floating about. Like a paint gun splashes of color exploding on my skin, shirt, face, and groin. Talking myself through the possibilities. Giving voice to the explosions against my body. I had…
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Fist
With tenderness gently caressing my right hand to open up. Balling into a fist at jolting traumatic memories triggered by adjusting the bedside table closer to the bed. I breathe into it – the rush of a thousand hours of ache, worry, fear, death – the loss of you, us, me in the single movement.…
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Ache
My body is the Leaning Town of Pisa, The sinking city of Venice, The remains of Notre Dame after the fire. It aches, creaks and is off balance. My body no longer feels like home base but a turbulent flight I must endure. Eyes closed I breathe deep, seeing where the jolt of unease and…
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Hazy
July 16. Physical: numb head, spinning eyes, tingling feet, arms, legs. Moving slow. The day begins… hot humid, will there be a through line. What does it mean to “waist a day”? Creating a maze of routine events and thoughts that blunder you through the day. A blur of a day. Your vision impaired and…
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Tipping
Playing with fire. Daring to be invincible and spewing the firehose of Pandora’s box. Being actor and audience. How can you not be singed – destroyed by the house you set on fire. The media will grab onto the events of yesterday and we step closer to uncertainty – or the realization of it. Fear…
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Enact
The way my body and mind are tracking these days, I’m bound to make mistakes, rush, through clouds of fog – do my best at the moment. But what if now – just for now – I complete a task and wait. Wait. Review. Then send. What if instead of thinking FOR someone, you brake…
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Yes, I want more.
I go to Whole Foods for 8am opening. The drive down ocean drive was lovely and slow. I drop off something sweet for a friend just starting work (my social time for the day). And home… As I tread the steps to my front door, my balance falters and my head swims – and so…
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Laughing at death
The dinner party last night was relaxed and entertaining. Surrounded by estrogen we each had our turn to entertain each other and make jokes the others would catch in their memory net. With covid cases rising around the US, it was stated that we were using our fingers to add the condiments from communal bowls.…
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Fuzz
I’m so aware of my body when I wake. It crowds out thoughts. The heavy head with a fuzzy buzz, nauseous stomach and tingling legs, face, mouth, feet, nipples, balls, How to fix my nervous system? 7 months now. Yesterday – I listed your paintings in the left cupboard. Paints were wiped down and put…
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Whose Story?
I woke to find a world where individuals are letting the loudest voice tell their story, and fulfill their own needs through “drones”. Repeating a thread, a hound dog intent on the single sent, masses are making judgements for their lives based on 1 aspect of the story. Who in their right mind bases any…