Category: Thoughts
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Cropped
From a camera angle my body and state seems alert, active and engaging. He talks, laughs and makes his way, drives like other 63 year old gay men. Dresses in an odd way with flowy pants and colorful splashes that match the tone of the day. From my periscope – it takes all my energy…
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You Own You
When you walk into a room, stride in the wake of your history, let the beauty of your scars speak for themselves. Emanate the awkward grace under fire in your step, projecting the milliseconds of humanity at the cellular level. The survivor in the midst of trouble – written on your moistened chapped lips. Never…
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my belle
I was struck listening to the former First Lady Michelle Obama, by the lightning emanating from her. It struck deep into my despair. Fear, the smallness of it. The helplessness of it. The quiet resignation. Gave me hope even in my reduced health state to find the reserves that I may have and face the…
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Full Moon Monday
Something is out of wack. There are things day to day that are just not working in my favor and I’m the one in the drivers seat. The cat demanding my attention at 5 am. The way I end my days The wonky way my internal drive feels Numbness in my head Projects everywhere –…
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…with a start
5 am: walking down the stairs tailing the parade of dog cat, anxiety and fear drop in and rush me to fix. Fix now. The urge is … not an urge really but more like a spasm of the unknown. Fill it now. figures add up and I expect to have the answer – now…
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Trigger finger
Once the trigger has been pulled there’s no going back. No way to stop the waves of emotions, memories and false narratives from floating about. Like a paint gun splashes of color exploding on my skin, shirt, face, and groin. Talking myself through the possibilities. Giving voice to the explosions against my body. I had…
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Ache
My body is the Leaning Town of Pisa, The sinking city of Venice, The remains of Notre Dame after the fire. It aches, creaks and is off balance. My body no longer feels like home base but a turbulent flight I must endure. Eyes closed I breathe deep, seeing where the jolt of unease and…
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Hazy
July 16. Physical: numb head, spinning eyes, tingling feet, arms, legs. Moving slow. The day begins… hot humid, will there be a through line. What does it mean to “waist a day”? Creating a maze of routine events and thoughts that blunder you through the day. A blur of a day. Your vision impaired and…
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Tipping
Playing with fire. Daring to be invincible and spewing the firehose of Pandora’s box. Being actor and audience. How can you not be singed – destroyed by the house you set on fire. The media will grab onto the events of yesterday and we step closer to uncertainty – or the realization of it. Fear…
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Enact
The way my body and mind are tracking these days, I’m bound to make mistakes, rush, through clouds of fog – do my best at the moment. But what if now – just for now – I complete a task and wait. Wait. Review. Then send. What if instead of thinking FOR someone, you brake…