I swear drs fool around with the human body as if there are shaking sticks and rolling stone with meds… three days into this medication and I’m dizzy, numb and I can’t concentrate… I main gain weight, I might loose any sexual drive. Not that I HAVE any to loose. But this Waking up on Saturday morning and I can barely get out of bed. I’m not sleeping… so on top of these meds I feel loopy… can’t drivel… dont feel like I should hold a conversation with anyone.
Why should I trust the nurse practitioner.. fuck her… Let’s try this and don’t worry about the side effects and don’t go looking up in Dr Google.. We’ll fuck you – I can’t function. Which freaks me out.
All of a sudden I’m in your place honey, I feel like I’ve given control over to someone else… fuck this shit. I go for help… here take those drugs… some help…
I need to be in control… to take care of myself… I can’t even get my self to cook.
NO – I am not going to be numbed into a false sense of clarity… If I’m on this it’s got to be short term… very short term… I can not live like this. I can live with the pain of your loss but not this numb dumb medically induced sense of nothing…
I’m so tired. They seem kind – here we’ll cure you or HELP you – I understand… then off you go… and here I lay helpless as a chemical that costs a dollar a week is changing the soup of my brain.
This is the last thing I wanted. The very last thing… I will try till I speak with someone on Monday – But I hope this little experiment gets better…