Monday Monday…

I wake up with tingling legs, lips and arms – with you my love like a warm quilt wrapped around my view. Your face is everywhere but the nausea in my stomach keeps me from reaching/touching my feelings of loss, pleasure of the sight of your face. Your sensual body covered in star tats and hair hanging down your back. At my side is Daddy instead of you. He grows restless in the nook of my arm and trots off to nuzzle Baby Love at my feat. The two of them warming, exchanging body heat. Here I am producing heat and feeling numb physically and mentally.

The neuropathy and brain fog can create a kind of trance inside me. My awareness gets lost in the numbness of my brain and the prickling of my extremities. If I resist I can have some kind of day resembling a functioning me. It’s all so connected Grief and Long Covid. To the outside world – everything appears normal, moving forward, accepting the mundane and the fantastic. But inside unsure, unsteady, unknowing, unreliable physical movement, upset – a storm of emotion, loss physically and epic grief knowing something so promising and fulfilling is over.

Now it’s the replay of old movies in my head – of us, my body, days of contentment and knowing the order of things. The unordered order. A wonderful world shared with you and my body as it was before.

Now there is only the after.

Monday, 6:20am. Time to start the day.

The garden needs watering.