Category: Thoughts

Crashing into my head as I snuggle into my pillow – the scene. Me listening to your struggling lungs, hollow eyes into the night – I fell asleep only to waken to an alarm and unaware you had left. “You don’t deserve to sleep” – my head upon my pillow and the scene played out…

Head Body Numb Disconnect Fear Loss Veil Balance Trip stop Breath. Begin Heart Toes-warm heels0cold Eyes-vision-stopped : ALL contained in a glass cylinder that surrounds the self. Keeping it safe from the noise and nonsense. When did the molten sand become hard, clear, cool off , no color, transparent and thick. Transparent Dan. An aquarium…

Dream: You and I were living in a new 40 story building in New York City. It was night – everything was lovely…streamlined…the building collapsed, the floor fell and I with it, landing on the sidewalk, on my feet, without you. No where in sight. I was filled with horror, looking for you. Sadness wrapped…

After a fitful night of almost sleep, my first night of no Klonopin – I work sweaty, and as I sit here – woozy…woozy enough to not be able to do my expenses and look at the computer screen. Scenes from your/our sickbed keep rushing back to me this am as the bed keeps creeping…

I’m not sure why we never got the cherry’s used for our favorite Manhattan served at our favorite restaurant…Today I found them, candied cherry’s made by a company founded in 1821. I don’t have the makings for a manhattan… but all of a sudden I’m seeing that it’s the ingredients and not the Alcohol that…

My doctor described my polyp as an express bus about to go local…a long progression to the next express stop – cancer. They caught it in time – funny to think of my gastro as a bus driver taking tokens and opening the back doors with a hydraulic “ppppssssssss” to let me off… who was…

Autumn’s color’s vanished in two days. The colors that calmed me have given way to gashes of tree limbs against a stark blue sky. It amazed me how it all flips like a light switch… I’ve seen 61 of them… I read this – before washing my face and dressing. ”Truth is a circle….Truth fears…

So here I sit. The chitter chatter of family holiday talk – echos around my house… lonely and alone – missing you – missing us. Melancholy has overcome me… tears are welling soon to drip down my cheeks. Why oh why did I answer the phone when I saw it was Mary Ellen. Happy in…

We never were big on holidays, you and I.After our 5th year together we started to keep it simple. A nice meal, candles lit, late afternoon, A walk before food prep and then a movie at night…. You made everything special, the table setting, food placement, drinks made, even appetizers. All thought and planned out…