Category: Thoughts

The day starts with surveying my body – how it feels, balance, heaviness of my scalp, etc. Then onto my insides – where am I as I wake to the world of day. Today – nausea 8, neuropathy heavy in the legs, arms and some in the face 7, vertigo 5, Brian fog 7, my…

I woke to more nausea than usual. Coffee that usually makes me feel comforted in bed as I do the NYT leaves me uneasy and bloated. The cat cleaning itself makes me feel seasick. Everything around me is hard to take in with my sight. Good Wednesday morning. Angry and full of angst. Yesterday was…

I wake up and everything is still is in that – sleepy unaware state. I felt queasy but was aware the tingling was dull. Then 5 minutes after walking downstairs – nausea takes over, tingling gage goes way up and my head gets heavier. And yet. The candle it lit on your altar. The pets…

I wake up with tingling legs, lips and arms – with you my love like a warm quilt wrapped around my view. Your face is everywhere but the nausea in my stomach keeps me from reaching/touching my feelings of loss, pleasure of the sight of your face. Your sensual body covered in star tats and…

The sheets need to be washed. The garden needs watering. The fridge needs to be filled. The car needs to be washed. The morning glories need to be transplanted. The dogs nails need to be clipped. The hole in the roof needs to be fixed. The tealights need to be refilled on your alter. The…

I awake to the scratching of Daddy at my bedroom door. With that my awareness goes to my heavy head and leaden legs below my kneecaps…every inch of me is tingling and vibrating this morning. How will this day play out physically. How to walk it. My urge is to run and do all the…

Crashing into my head as I snuggle into my pillow – the scene. Me listening to your struggling lungs, hollow eyes into the night – I fell asleep only to waken to an alarm and unaware you had left. “You don’t deserve to sleep” – my head upon my pillow and the scene played out…

Head Body Numb Disconnect Fear Loss Veil Balance Trip stop Breath. Begin Heart Toes-warm heels0cold Eyes-vision-stopped : ALL contained in a glass cylinder that surrounds the self. Keeping it safe from the noise and nonsense. When did the molten sand become hard, clear, cool off , no color, transparent and thick. Transparent Dan. An aquarium…

Dream: You and I were living in a new 40 story building in New York City. It was night – everything was lovely…streamlined…the building collapsed, the floor fell and I with it, landing on the sidewalk, on my feet, without you. No where in sight. I was filled with horror, looking for you. Sadness wrapped…

After a fitful night of almost sleep, my first night of no Klonopin – I work sweaty, and as I sit here – woozy…woozy enough to not be able to do my expenses and look at the computer screen. Scenes from your/our sickbed keep rushing back to me this am as the bed keeps creeping…